What not to say...

Please print, fold, and refer to the following list whenever speaking to someone who's experiencing/experienced miscarriage: (J/K, but seriously, make an effort to mentally store it away for future reference.)

1. "Don't worry, it'll all work out eventually..."

2. "There's a reason."

3. "What does the doctor say?"

4. "Why is this happening?" (Gee, as if I know? Like I'm LETTING this happen intentionally!!)

5. "Are you okay?"

6. "Do you think it's because you don't eat meat?" (Don't laugh out loud, a few people have actually said this. Yeah......)

7. "At least you have one child." (I hate this one. Having a perfect, healthy toddler is more of a blessing than I deserve. However, because I grieve and get angered by the losses since him, doesn't mean I love him any less.)

8. "It's nature's way..."

9. "Maybe it's just not your time..." (No kidding?!?!)

And my all time favorite...

"Benjamin, when are Mommy and Daddy going to make you a big brother?!?"


In others' defense, I'm sure I may have even said these things before. (I really, really hope I didn't, but if I did...shit.) I realize that no one really ever knows what to say and honestly, there's really nothing you can say that will make it better or make the pain a little less. But what you can give is the gift of silence or a tear. Crying with, screaming with, and being angry with the person who feels like she's drowning can bring her above the water again. The worst thing you can do is try and offer positive thoughts. I know, that sounds so dumb. It's not that she doesn't want to hear or believe positive thoughts, it's just that hearing those kind, sincere things feels more like knives digging into a wound that can't possibly hurt anymore. She will welcome those positives one day...but just hold off. You'll know it's time to say them when she says them aloud first.