Myth v. Fact

There are so many misconceptions when it comes to how others perceive someone who has miscarried. So, in my mind, here's how they compare.

Myth #1: She has bad feelings or jealousy towards someone who is pregnant.

The truth is, for me at least, I couldn't be more overjoyed for a family member, friend, or colleague who is expecting a miracle. It warms my heart to know they'll get to experience how incredibly life changing the birth of a baby can be. When you go from a "regular" woman who had a "regular" pregnancy and expected another or many more "regular" pregnancies to a woman slapped with the label of "recurrent miscarraiges," all you want is NORMAL! When others hesitate or hold back to share the joyous news of their pregnancy, it makes you feel like someone who can't handle it or doesn't "fit" within the norm anymore..and all we really want is normal. Now, here's the exception...again, for ME at least....stranger lady on the street smoking a cigarette, wailing on a two-year-old, with eyes of sadness, anger, and hatred coupled with a nine month baby bump...yeeeeahh....her, I hate her. Enough said there.

Myth #2: She will want to wait months and months before trying again. 

(I am the author, after all, so these aren't research-based truths.) It's really, really, really, hard to heal from the pain of losing a baby. There aren't words that can justify the pain I have endured. So, why do I keep jumping into the fire? Who knows. I suppose when you want something so badly and your whole being aches for it, you'll do anything. I'd do anything to carry a baby in me again. I'd do anything to feel that bond that the birth experience, breastfeeding experience, etc. can provide. I'd give anything to give Benjamin a baby brother/sister because seeing the way he observes, comforts, and interacts with infants causes a physical pain in my heart.

Myth #3: Don't ask her how she's holding up, she won't want to talk about it.

Maybe at the time, in her particular mood, she won't want to talk. However, the worst thing you can do is pretend it is all okay again and time has passed and she's forgotten and moved on. It's like Groundhog Day...the events and people may change, but at the end of the day, the fact still remains that there's a piece of me that I may never get back.

Fact #1: She will continue to pour every ounce of herself into her work, home, family, and friends, but when everything gets quiet at the end of a day, the pain surfaces like a monster stepping out of the darkness. 


Benjamin, my twenty-five first graders, my husband, my friends, my family....I love to embrace them and do everything in my power to bring joy, happiness, success, laughter, all the GOOD into their lives. But at the end of the day, all of that "stuff" is washed away and I'm left with a longer To-Do list than I started the day with and emotional exhaustion that's off the charts. I have to learn to cool it...

Fact #2: After awhile,doctors are annoying.


It's probably due to where I'm "at" right now, but I'm taking a a much needed break from the medical junk that's been surrounding my body and mind. It's not who I am, it's not who I want to be, and it's not what I believe. I trust that medicine and science can do GREAT things, but I trust more in my God. HE can move mountains, HE can make miracles, HE can carry me when my legs give out. Since there doesn't seem to by a rhyme or reason for my "condition" right now, I'm making the choice NOT to be a Petri dish.

Fact #3: She did not exercise too hard, eat too little protein, drink too much coffee, stress too much over work and life, pick up her 30 lb toddler too much, etc, etc, etc. 


I didn't cause this. I did not decide their destiny. I just didn't. I can wonder "what if" every single day, but I didn't cause this to happen. I am healthy. I am capable. I am okay. I did it once...I have a perfect, smart, healthy almost three-year-old to prove that I can do it. I will do it again.