January 29

Part of the mental and emotional exhaustion comes from keeping track of the timing and "what ifs" after miscarriage. So, here's my track record that haunts me from day to day. 

Baby #1: Benjamin Daniel Szczepanski (SO NOT a bad part of my track record...he is so much more of a miracle than I ever imagined.) How or why did God bless me with him? His reasons are bountiful I'm sure, but what I know is that my two-year-old ball of perfectness is giving me more strength than I could ever imagine.

Baby #2: Made it to seven weeks and miscarried naturally. My due date was January 29, 2012...today. Nine months seems so, so long ago. Never did I imagine I'd be grieving the loss instead of celebrating the miracle of a birth.

Baby #3: Miscarried at ten weeks. It was guestimated that his/her heart stopped beating between six and eight weeks. I was due on April 4, my best friend's birthday. 

Baby #4: After a little break and some healing time, we thought, "new year, new beginning, new baby?" Well, guess not. Baby #4 barely made it to five weeks. It is assumed implantation occurred and everything was all good until the placenta got all ticked off and gave up. Awesome.