You're having your baby where?!

I haven't updated this blog throughout this pregnancy as I intended, but I know it was because I couldn't. What I wanted and needed to say could only come as a "summary" near the end of the pregnancy because it is so much more than just updates of prenatal visits and ultrasounds. Now, I'm attempting to document the path we've taken during this pregnancy and birth not only for us to remember, but to help others understand our decisions...and not because I feel the need to justify our reasons, but because what I have learned and experienced has been life-changing, and I rejoice at the opportunity to share it with you.

At around the thirteenth week of our pregnancy, following our last visit with Dr. Liu, our specialist at UH, we were released from his care to a regular OB. However, we did not return to my OB/GYN who delivered Ben. Instead, we sought out a homebirth midwife in the area. A few e-mails and phone calls led us to Rosie (midwife) and Colleen (midwife apprentice and doula), co-founders of Circle of Life Home Birth Services. Why a homebirth? Well, I certainly didn't wake up one morning and say, "Hey, I wanna have my baby at home" and just take the plunge. The path that led us to the possibility and then, reality, of planning a homebirth was carefully thought out. I devoted hours to learning and exploring the homebirth "model." So, why...?

The gears started turning when my soul sister cousin had her home birth in 2011. It was never a real option in my mind, but I was interested and it seemed appealing. I wasn't turned off or scared by the idea, as so many people are. Additionally, my labor and birth experience with Ben weren't quite what I had envisioned or hoped for. It was an amazing, miraculous experience and I will never forget that moment when he was first laid on my chest, but, my experience was far from what I had hoped for. We took birth classes and I was focused on having a natural childbirth. I had a birth plan that involved a quiet, dark room, music, my birth ball, Bryan and I connecting emotionally and spiritually through every contraction to bring our baby into our arms. What transpired was very far from that. At 37 weeks, I was told I had a posterior cervix and my baby was too big, an estimated 10 lbs or more was the doctor's guess for my baby boy. Without a scheduled induction, there was a possibility that my cervix may not dilate and thin appropriately and every passing week would just grow a bigger baby. So, not knowing better, I happily scheduled my induction for May 9 (influenced, too, by my doctor's vacation plans.) We arrived at the hospital at 7 AM, the nurse got us settled, and before leaving for me to change into my gown said, "You don't have one of those birth plans, do you?!"....well, no, I guess we don't. I felt embarrassed and silly that I thought my birth plan would be honored and accepted. I went on to receive Cervadil for 12 hours and at around 9 PM, Pitocin was started and the doctor broke my water. Contractions started shortly after and by the middle of the night, I was dilated to almost 5 to 6 cm. I was optimistic and excited that things were progressing so quickly. There was a moment in the dark night, that I was on the birth ball, leaning on Bry, working through the contractions that I remember thinking, "Yes...this is what I wanted...I am doing this..." That feeling was short lived. At about 6 or 7 AM, the nurse explained that because I was exhausting quickly, it would be wise to consider an epidural. I heard her say, "if you don't have the opportunity to rest and sleep, you may not have the strength to push." I became scared and gave in...the thought of not being able to push out my baby, and thus, have a c-section terrified me. So, in walked the anesthesiologist and within fifteen minutes, I had yet another tube running into me. I ended up falling asleep and as the day progressed, my dilation slowed and so began the pattern of more Pitocin, dilation, Pitocin, dilation stalled....until before 9:00 that evening. I was moving from my left to right side to try and keep my cervix open. I finally started pushing before I was a full 10 cm because I was starting to run a fever from my water being ruptured for so long. I pushed for 2.5 hours and didn't think I had an ounce of energy left in me to birth my baby. I started to panic and get scared as my doctor mumbled the word "c-section." Finally, at 11:18 PM, my beautiful baby boy was born. I cried tears of joy, relief, and pure exhaustion. My eyes were swollen and I could barely keep them open. I remember holding him on my chest and kissing his bloody, vernix-coated head. While the positive, happy feelings overshadow my disappointment, the sadness that surrounds his birth experience remain. I would later learn that my posterior cervix isn't a problem or reason for induction, Ben wasn't anywhere close to 10 pounds, (and even if he was, not a reason for induction) and the risks that surround induction are scary...the baby and body determine a birth date during a healthy, low-risk pregnancy. Unless medically necessary, a birth should never be penciled on a calendar. After our three miscarriages, when we were finally blessed with a healthy, sustainable pregnancy, I knew I needed a different experience.

And so began my research....hours of reading and seeking information to an alternative to a hospital birth. I was shocked and pleasantly surprised to learn that not only was a homebirth possible, but potentially safer and with healthier outcomes, than a hospital birth. In a nutshell, here is what we learned that led us to make and trust our choice.

* Over 80% of babies worldwide are born at home.

* A healthy, low-risk pregnancy is a natural process, not a medical emergency.

* Interventions (inductions, epidurals, c-sections) are being over-used in the US and have given us the lead (not a good thing!) of the highest obstetrical intervention rates of any other country.

* A homebirth with a certified midwife is just as safe (if not safer in some cases) than a hospital birth.

* Labor can begin on its own and progress on its own timetable at home, which leads to a better outcome for baby and mother during and after birth. In a hospital, you're "on the clock" the moment you check in. If you're not progressing at the rate the nurses and doctors see fit, they'll use interventions to speed it up, thus potentially stalling labor progress and/or adding more risk.

* Prenatal care is more involved with a homebirth midwife because it focuses on nutrition, prevention, and overall physical and emotional well-being. My visits with Rosie and Colleen lasted a minimum of two hours and Bry and Ben were there for many of them, too.

* A midwife is well educated and trained to know the signs and symptoms of potential complications during pregnancy and labor. The "what if something goes wrong?" question never scared me...if something did go astray, I trusted we would know well ahead of time and transfer if necessary.

* A homebirth midwife doesn't waltz into the home with her purse on her shoulder, packing some latex gloves and a stethoscope. The supplies and equipment needed to have a safe homebirth mirror much of what is used in the hospital, including oxygen, suturing supplies, and Pitocin to stop hemmorhage if necessary.

There is so, so much more that we learned...but ultimately, the fact that we felt confident and eager to have a homebirth was the deciding factor. You can't convince someone to have a homebirth with statistics and research...she has to want it in the first place.

In the following months, we had our regular prenatal visits and began to prepare for the birth. We also saw another midwife, a certified nurse midwife affiliated with the hospital. This "co-care" relationship allowed us to have our 20 week ultrasound and access other medical-related procedures (blood draws, Rhogam shot, etc.) using our insurance coverage. Also, in the event that a homebirth was no longer feasible or we ended up transferring during labor, we had an established relationship with a hospital-based midwife which would make things much smoother and easier.

This pregnancy was very different than Ben's. Physically, I was far healthier and had way more energy. Except for some slight swelling in the last couple of weeks, I didn't blow up like I did with him. Anytime someone asked me, "how are you feeling?" I responded with an enthusiastic "great!" And it wasn't a fake reply either, I genuinely felt great the entire time. Emotionally, I enjoyed and embraced this pregnancy. Sure, I let a complaint slide in here or there (mostly just to Bry and my best friends), but I was positive and grateful. After our miscarriages, my perspective completely changed. Being pregnant is a true gift and blessing and one that not everyone is given. I genuinely loved being pregnant this time around and while I grew anxious to meet my baby, I appreciated and rejoiced for each day I carried my growing baby inside of me.

Is homebirth for eveyone? Absolutely not. Do I judge another woman because she wants a hospital birth and an epidural? Absolutely not. I DO believe every woman deserves the choice to have the birth she wants. I believe every woman should be supported in her choices, no matter what they may be. I believe there is more to birth than just the final "product" of a baby in a woman's arms. I believe giving birth should be empowering, miraculous, and life-changing for a woman and family.