Our dream coming true...

In early January, we booked a vacation to Disney World for spring break with our best friends. As we were planning our vacation, I was picturing myself almost four months pregnant lounging poolside with a virgin daquiri. Not even two weeks later, I went on to have my third miscarriage. The days and weeks that followed only made me long for a getaway even more. Our Disney vacation was magical for so many reasons. Seeing Benjamin and his best buddy so unbelievably happy and excited all the time brought on feelings of pure joy that I wished would never go away. On the third day of our vacation, I woke up in the bedroom of our condo with an overwhelming sense that I was pregnant. It wasn't physical...I didn't feel any different. Plus, I hadn't even missed my period yet. It was this intense feeling and I was so confident I was pregnant, that we stopped at a Publix grocery store on the way to Cocoa Beach so I could buy a test. So, there I was, in my bathing suit, sundress, and flip flops, peeing on a stick in the Publix bathroom. The double pink lines showed up before I even finished peeing. I wasn't surprised--but more, relieved that I could still trust my instincts. In the days that followed, I pretty much remained in shock. Once we got home and I had some time to digest, I decided that I didn't want to go through the quantitative HCG beta blood tests this time around. Going in every week to have my blood drawn just so they could call and tell me my levels were dropping and the pregnancy was failing would only add more anxiety anyway, what was the point?! The specialist OB didn't argue my decision, which made it easier. With some light spotting at about five weeks, the worry and fear took over and the week prior to our first appointment dragged on for what seemed forever. Finally, at six weeks, we went for our first appointment and ultrasound. I wasn't just nervous...I was off-the-charts panicked. But, a super strong heartbeat and perfect measurements opened the floodgates for tears of joy to stream down. Dr. Liu wanted to have my blood drawn to test my progesterone levels. He called me the following evening to let me know my levels were low. I was put on Prometrium (progesterone) twice daily to increase my levels. I went back two weeks later for another ultrasound, and even though I had no reason to suspect anything was wrong, I was still overcome with anxiety in the days and minutes that led up to that appointment. But alas, everything was A-okay, again! Praise the Lord---it was really happening! Dr. Liu and Dr. Barker were very pleased with how everything looked so far and I couldn't have been more elated. 

So, where are we now? 10 weeks, nausea has subsided, my energy levels are returning, I have acne like I'm 16 again, and I'm sporting a bump already. I started worrying when my pants wouldn't button last week because I don't think I started showing with Ben until at least 15 or 16 weeks. However, plenty of time with good ol' Google confirmed that a) my uterus never returned to its normal size after Ben, it already has a head start b) the hormones and body are veterans, they know what to do! and c) a typical subsequent pregnancy will start to show 4-6 weeks earlier than a first pregnancy. So, phew, I'm not just getting fat. In fact, I've gained 4 pounds at this point and feel pretty good about that. 

There are so many hopes I have for this pregnancy and so many things I/we'll do differently. First, I took advantage of being pregnant as so many first-time moms do. I know now that being pregnant isn't an excuse to eat whatever I want. More importantly, it's an obligation to provide my baby with nothing but fresh, wholesome goodness for nine months. Second, I wasn't healthy before I got pregnant with Ben anyway, it's a miracle he came out so perfect. I ate crap and I didn't exercise, before and while I was pregnant. This time, I am so excited to continue to move and stay fit. Third, we aren't finding out the sex of our miracle baby. My perspective has done a complete 360. With Ben, we found out the sex, had everything set up, clothes washed, car seat installed weeks ahead of time. This time, I could care less about all that "stuff." If this baby is a girl and she wears Ben's blue sleepers, so be it. If Bryan doesn't hook the car seat base up until the moment we have to go somewhere, so be it. Last, God willing, the birth of this baby will be much different. I won't count my chickens before they hatch, but I am praying that the hopes and dreams I have for bringing this baby into our arms will come true... 

 I was nervous when I found out I was pregnant. I am still nervous to be pregnant. But, I'm not scared. I'm not worried. The only way I can explain it is that I feel as if the miscarriages have been "plucked" out of my life. I know they happened, I still feel the sadness they caused, I still grieve over those lost babies. But when it comes to being worried about whether or not this baby will make it---I'm not. I feel as though God has "removed" the miscarriages from my life's timeline so that I have absolutely no reason to question this pregnancy. I guess that's what peace is. Here's a super awesome visual for my babble... 

I can't wait to meet my baby. I just can't wait. But, meanwhile, I'm going to soak up every single moment that the gift of carrying a life inside me has to offer. I am going to savor every ultrasound, savor every time I have to rubberband my pants or dig out the maternity clothes, savor every flutter, savor every kick...I don't want to miss one moment of being blissfully happy and so thankful to God for this answered prayer. 

7 weeks 

9 weeks 

10 weeks

“I sing for joy at the works of Your hands.” – Psalm 92:4 

Life is beautiful...